So you know the book The Five Love Languages? I love that book, (just in case you don’t know it), it tells of five different ‘languages’ people have to communicate love to each other. For example, I feel loved when I receive words of affirmation from Ben. Ben feels loved when he gets to spend quality time with me. However, our default is to communicate the way we feel loved to the other person, when really they need to receive their love language, not ours, which is why it’s so important to know each other’s love languages. Just for fun, the five are: quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, and service.
Anyway, the other night Ben and I got into a silly argument (what we later found out was just miscommunication). What had happened is Ben gave me an example of something that I immediately took offense to, when he was just trying to demonstrate something, not offend me. We were both sincere, but both misunderstood. What resulted was common in how we argue, I went up stairs and didn’t want to talk, and he wouldn’t let me be alone, he had to talk to me. He uses words very well (he is a writer after all), and so he talked. And talked. And talked. While I sort of clammed up and didn’t want to talk. I insisted he give me ten minutes by myself, and that’s when I received revelation on something.
In the ten or so minutes, I prayed for the Lord to reconcile us, that we would communicate rightly, and resolve our arguments rightly. I came to the conclusion after a short time of praying that he wasn’t wrong, in fact neither of us were wrong, we were just miscommunicating (the same conclusion he came to while talking that I couldn’t come to before spending time alone). Do you see where I’m going?
I really think it’s important to find out (especially if you have a hard time with resolving arguments), your ‘resolving argument style.’ Ben’s way of resolving is to talk, while I can’t stand to talk, I just need time alone… then I will talk. What we discovered after talking about all this is that our frustrations with each other while arguing had been simply a lack of understanding in how we each operate! It’s not bad that all he wants to do is talk, and it’s not bad that I need to spend a little time to myself before we talk, it’s just the way we are made. The humorous part (though not at the time), is Ben didn’t think his words were working because I wasn’t responding, when really I got his words but needed time to reflect. So what happens is he repeats himself over, and over, and over until I’m so annoyed I can’t be around him anymore! This little revelation into how we resolve arguments is going to be so helpful in the future! Had to share, hope it helps you too!
